Before coach David Bennett’s infamous “We need more dogs” press conference, Coastal Carolina University was barely a blip on the NFL radar. Only the most studious draft analyst could pin CCU as the former home of Tyler Thigpen, Mike Tolbert, and the Bengals’ Jerome Simpson.
Now, though, Bennett finds his words spreading across the internet, much to his (and everyone else’s) disbelief.
“This world we live in with facebook and tweetin and … these cameras! I don’t know, where’d that thing go last week? How’d that thing get up out of here, go everywhere like that?”
I don’t know either, coach, this internet thing is a puzzlement. And I’ve watched his video so many times that I now hear his voice in my ear whenever I go to make a difficult decision, or need to rally myself to action.
Clearly, the NFL Genius is in a tough spot, with only 44 winners picked in the first 90 games, an uncharacteristically slow start. So I reached out to the words of coach Bennett, to help provide the wisdom and guidance that we so clearly need.
Miami at NEW YORK JETS (-7): Dolphins
Philadelphia (-1.5) at WASHINGTON: Redskins
Coach Bennett’s disdain for players too in love with themselves: “And I told our players, you need to be more like a dawg.We don’t need a bunch of cats in here — ‘meow’ — lookin in the mirror, ‘do I look good? I got my extra bands on, I got my other shoes….’ BE A DOG! We don’t need no meows, we don’t need no cats.”
Rex Ryan’s Jets are playing like the cat stuck on the wrong side of the screen door, riled up and panicky. They’re paying the price for Mark Sanchez’s commitment to everything but football this offseason. You can’t help but notice the wholesale difference in attitude between the would-be star hamming it up for GQ and the real-life quarterback getting beaten down week after week.
The Eagles’ preseason pride has already been punctured. All the free agents that flocked to be by Michael Vick’s side when he hoists up a Super Bowl trophy are now half-stepping their way out of playoff contention. There have been some long looks in the mirror in Philly, and they may not like what they see. The Eagles will be plenty motivated this week, but I believe the dog-like Redskins might find enough motivation on their side of the ball as well.
Jacksonville at PITTSBURGH (-12): Steelers
St Louis at GREEN BAY (-14.5): Packers (LOCK)
Coach Bennett, on recognizing a much stronger opponent: “Talking… last week and that thing got crazy about them dogs and them cats… hey, they [Georgia] the dogs! I HOPE we got some wild cats goin for us against Georgia. We need to fight them dogs off! We takin the Chanticleers, you know?”
Bennett knows how to motivate his men to a fight, but knows also to recognize a slaughter when it’s coming. And in these games, Chanticleers (medieval roosters) might have pride, but like the Rams and Jaguars in these matchups, they are no match for the big dogs.
Carolina at ATLANTA (-4): Panthers
Buffalo at NEW YORK GIANTS (-3): Bills (UPSET)
Coach Bennett, on big city fashion: “I love to wear jeans and boots. People look at me and say (in his squirrely voice) ‘Why is he wearing jeans and boots?’ Let me tell you, right around Horry county they some awesome people wearing JEANS AND BOOTS!”
Atlanta has gotten too city for its own sake, too uppity and refined. They think that 285 beltway keeps out the country folk, that is until they come pouring in for Falcons home games. There’s a fundamental disconnect between the go-for-broke team Atlanta fans want and the play-it-safe team that Mike White is delivering. And when New Yorkers watch their beloved Giants, they have to create a blind spot to block out the quarterback position. But Cam Newton and Ryan Fitzpatrick plays the game the right way, with daring and bravado and a blind eye to culture or conservatism.
Falcons and Giants fans both might find themselves secretly rooting for the visitors in these matchups.
San Francisco at DETROIT (-3): 49ers
Indianapolis at CINCINNATI (-7): Bengals
Coach Bennett, on dealing with unexpected replacements: “I’m sorry I hadn’t come with as good a lookin date as I usually do. My wife usually comes with me, we usually fly into the Big South and these nice beds and everything. We got here and I had Zack MacDowell, our quarterback. And we check in and the coaches say y’all gonna get one queen size bed and I said y’all a full a bull.”
We already know who the Colts are missing, and you can add Joseph Addai to that list as well. But the Lions are a little dinged up without TE Tony Scheffler, taking away a reliable target and eliminating a lot of formation diversity that Detroit — like New England — was able to achieve with two legit weapons at tight end on the field. Given that Detroit has already struggled to separate early in games the last few weeks, the Niners’ revamped defense should be able to keep this one close.
Houston at BALTIMORE (-7): Ravens
Cleveland at OAKLAND (-6.5): Raiders
Coach Bennett, on dog fighting, violence to minors, and other bad things: “I’m gonna tell you what a feist can do, a feist get up on a pit bull neck, pit bull done. Pit bull dunnn. A feist is a nasty dog. Kids around the neighborhood don’t like that feist when that feist get into fight mode because you know what that feist do? It bite them kids on the ankle.”
Both the Ravens and Raiders have that borderline illegal “feist dog” attitude, the “go for the throat” attitude. Both teams make their share of mistakes as well — Baltimore on offense, Oakland on defense — but both have enough talent on the other side of the ball to simply overwhelm opponents, even good ones.
Houston is a good team that is missing a few too many parts, with Andre Johnson sidelined and Mario Williams now out for the season. Cleveland is building something, but doesn’t have the skill on offense to keep this game close.
Dallas at NEW ENGLAND (-7): Patriots
New Orleans (-4.5) at TAMPA BAY: Saints
Coach Bennett, on preparing for a big rivalry game: “You know where our coaches are right now? Normally they’re in here eating this Chick Fil-A, aren’t they? They’re watching film right now. They ain’t taking this crowd for granted.”
No teams take offensive game-planning more seriously than the Patriots and the Saints, especially when facing would-be contenders. The Pats and Cowboys have only met once in the last five years, back in 2007 when Tony Romo brought Terrell Owens and Miles Austin to a gunfight against Brady, Welker and Moss. Those trios lit up the scoreboard 21-17 at halftime, but it was the Patriots’ lesser lights — Donte Stallworth, Kyle Brady and a practice squadder named Kyle Eckel who Dallas never gameplanned for who scored the Pats’ three second-half touchdowns to pull away for a monster 48-27 win.
Likewise, the Saints and Bucs have roughed each other up in the past two seasons, with each team going into each other’s house and tearing up the field. In the Saints’ last two games in Tampa, New Orleans has outscored their division rival 69-13. The often forgotten Robert Meachem has scored three touchdowns in those two games, with five other players not named Colston, Bush or Pierre Thomas also scoring.
Minnesota at CHICAGO (-3): Vikings
Coach Bennett, on ignoring the media. “My wife told me they had some article on there about people on the blog, callin for some of our coaches to be let go, it’s time to make some changes on the staff. My whole thing there is, who’s on them blogs? Who’s spending time on those blogs? I got somethin else I can have you do, somethin that’s productive. Doin some work, rather than on a blog. People talk to me about ‘on the blog, on the blog…’ WHO’S ON THE BLOG? Who’s on the blog? Put your real name on the blog. Put your real. Name. On the blog.”
Enough said.
