A 1964 ½ Ford Mustang previews the 2011 Detroit Lions season.
I think it’s fair to say, without getting ahead of myself, that nobody has seen anything quite like me, or these Lions, come out of Detroit before. This is the first time this combination of power, speed, handling and pure fun have come together in a single package since … well, I don’t know. Ever?
Indeed, you may have some preconceived notions about Detroit, and about the products we make, but let me say that once you hit the road with this model, the only thing you’ll think is “Gosh, how far can we go?”
How about we start with a trip down to sunny Tampa, Florida.
September matchups: at Tampa Bay, vs Kansas City, at Minnesota. Prediction: 3-0.
I have to say, I like what they’re doing in Tampa, it seems as though this cigar-making city on the bay is finally building on strength with a young driver, Josh Freeman, and some exciting wheels like Legarrette Blount and Mike Williams. (Didn’t we try a Mike Williams model a few years back? I don’t remember that working out too well.)
But look under the hood of that defense? Well, let me just say that while we enlisted the light and ultrapowerful Shelby Cobra V8 engine in Ndamukong Suh last year, they got an off-brand model in Gerald McCoy. He might be fine for touring about, but when it comes to tearing up the road? Nothing compares to the beast in our engine block.
Meanwhile, our offense is capable of getting into high gear in an awful hurry, with a healthy Matt Stafford set back in the shotgun with a wide view of the road, and a dominant Calvin Johnson ready to tear the roof right off of this thing. Add Jahvid Best as a sneaky-fast receiving option out of the backfield, and you’ve got a hi-lo combination that will surprise and delight.
While teams like the Chiefs and Vikings are able to get it going on the ground, they simply won’t be able to compete in the vertical game with our dynamic weapons firing on all cylinders.
October matchups: at Dallas, vs Chicago, vs San Francisco, vs Atlanta, at Denver. Prediction: 4-1.
Our road trip hits a few bumps in October, but nothing that should spoil an otherwise delightful cruise. (One note to our trip-planner, why not schedule a visit to beautiful San Francisco, instead of bringing them here?)
The contests in Dallas vs Atlanta will put our defensive shock absorbers to the test, as each have a fleet of receivers capable of stretching the field on anyone. Marvin Austin and Dez Bryant are just as difficult a pair to defend as Roddy White and Julio Jones, and each duo has a quarterback capable of finding them.
We will miss the powerful inside running of Mikel LeShoure in these matchups, who was planned to be installed in this year’s model but will have to wait until next year for full production. That inside game would help our offense keep possession, and play keep-away from some of these offenses.
But again, we turn back to our pair of Detroit Cobras in the middle. Nick Fairley should have his bad wheel fully fixed up by this point, and when I look at the five teams in this bunch, I see only one offensive line with any strength at all in the middle. (If you’ve ever driven through Atlanta, you know they can clog the middle with the best of them.)
The most important matchup in this bunch? Separating from those pretenders in Chicago, and getting some redemption for the win we should have had in last year’s opener. (Note to the NFL: even an inanimate 45-year-old automobile can tell you that that was a catch, and will always be a catch.)
November matchups: (Bye), at Chicago, vs Carolina, vs Green Bay. Prediction: 1-2.
However, the Chicago curse continues to haunt us. Only twice in the last decade have the Lions come away with wins on that green-painted bed of rocks and rusty nails they call “grass” in Soldier Field. Even having a bye week and a revitalized team won’t prevent some kind of jinx or gremlin from getting in the works.
And if you think that’s bad, those meat-packers from Wisconsin are even worse. We’ve taken only one of the last ten matchups … last year, here on our home turf. As much as I like to think we could repeat that feat, these are newly minted champions now, the unquestioned kings of the road.
December matchups: at New Orleans, vs Minnesota, at Oakland, vs San Diego. Prediction: 2-2.
Aside from the Minnesota matchup, I’m not sure where our other win in this bunch comes from, but it’s there, I can feel it in my chassis.
Maybe we sneak up and surprise a New Orleans team that is wont to take the engine out of gear and start coasting from time to time. Or maybe we travel to that oversized biker bar on the near side of the San Francisco Bay and get into a down-and-dirty streetfight. Or maybe those suntanned surfer boys in San Diego have trouble adjusting to our wintry indoor climate. But one way or the other, we’re getting to ten wins here.
January matchups: at Green Bay. Prediction: ???
You have to wonder, by this point, whether this game “matters” to the Packers? Sure, it’s a division matchup, and sure, with ten wins there’s a good shot that we’re in fierce wildcard contention. But if they have a playoff bye week sewn up, might they be tempted to bring out the “B” series against us?
One thing’s for sure, this Jim Schwartz-driven model knows no letup. So regardless of what they bring to the starting line, we’re bringing power, excitement, and a touch of luxury every time you turn the key.
Shall we continue this road trip right into the playoffs? Why not?
About the author: the “1964½” Ford Mustang was the first ever “pony car,” the next generation of American muscle car that inspired the Camaro, the Firebird, and the Dodge Challenger. The 1964½ Mustang was Detroit’s most successful launch since the Model A.
